its been a while.

its been quite somw time since I posted anything.

I've been down. I've had some ups. I've been any and everywhere in between.

since I last posted... my momma has passed away. what a hard and terrible thing to go through. it wasn't from the procedure I posted about before, but from everything else it seems.
she faught long and hard. her little body just couldn't do it anymore.
she was/still is a lovely woman who devoted her whole life to helping and making things better for others. she was a joy. she was everything.
she went in her sleep, just the way I think she wanted to. no bells, no whistles, no one watching. just peacefully.
she was the one I could go to for any and everything. she knew So much and if she didn't, she hunted around until she found it.
she was a momma to everyone from the instant she met you and hardly ever did you not find a smile on her face.
she had the cutest little laugh and such a twinkle in her eye. she was soooo incredibly special. not just to me and my sisters and my daddy, but to everyone she met.

its hard to think that her shell is gone. its hard to wake up knwoing she isn't just a phone call or a car drive away.
I know she's here, looking down on all of us.
she's whole again and not in pain and with the Lord and her momma and daddy and all of her family. she's where she's suppose to be. its just hard.

I've got her close to my heart, always.

I love you momma.

not so cryptic

ok. here's the deal. I'm scared. I'm worried. I'm nervous. life is scary. my mom is sick. getting sicker as time goes on and I'm scared. they tell me not to worry and to just give it to the Lord. I've prayed a few times about it. prayed with her while I held her hand before her procedure on monday. I prayed that she would be ok... and if not that it would be ok.
I'm tired and worn out and tired of driving home every weekend. it was nice spending time at my own place. I wish I could do it more.
sigh. why do things like this happen?
I need to go back to church. I need to surround myself w good christian people that have good morals and values.
sigh.
school is warying on me... again. if I just stick to what's at hand, maybe it might not be so bad.

five more months... just five more. I can do this.

waiting...

I sit in this waitin room. waiting for good news. waiting or any news. waiting for life to continue in a good semi healthy matter.
I think we spend more than half of our lives sitting, waiting. waiting for the next semi big thing to happen.
I hope and pray that things go ok today. I hope that if the outcome isn't good that she is in good hands. I prayed while holding her hand. for her, everyone that was in contact w her and her procedure, for me and my family, for life.
I hope.

a whirlwind

this life is a whirlwind of a journey.
there are soo many thing i want to talk about. so many things that i shouldn't. so many things that we are all thinking... but i actually say them.
i've been told that i'm honest (brutally), dependable, fun/funloving/funny. i've been told that i'm caring and kind.
i'd like to think that i'm a giver and a lover.

my life is changing daily. it scares me at times... but also at the same time, its sort of exciting.

here's to the journey.
cheers.